I am completely out of my depth at the moment.
Looking at my to-do list (which this post is helping me procrastinate accomplishing) it’s a little overwhelming:
- Finish Sermon
- Call references for one candidate and update another
- Buy Stamps
- Write some thank you’s
- Call and thank financial partners
- Order Audio Equipment
- Find a trailer for said equipment
- Pack for a weekend trip
- Update giving records
- Service flow for 1st preview service
- Determine existing audio equipment for 1st service
- Prepare for small group
- Address envelopes with update letter
- Recruit leaders and update volunteer list for 1st service
Maybe 10% of that list are things I would say I’m comfortable with or enjoy doing.
I’ll delegate some of these things, but many I need to do. I’d be lying if I said I had a healthy handle on my anxiety.
But just now as I looked at that list and thought about what God is doing in our midst while still processing the recent news of a fellow church planter closing up shop, I have step back and smile.
All those times where God stretched me through challenging ministry experiences that were not only out of my depth, but out of my calling, seem worth it in moments like this. Who knows how this will turn out, who knows if I’ll still be getting paid to pastor in a year or two? But in this moment I am doing what I’ve been called to do.
No matter where you are know that it serves a purpose.
Exhausted from another Wednesday night with three disinterested teenagers?
Dreading another meeting rife with conflict?
Worried if you are going to have a job next month?
Preparing another sermon/set/lesson you know won’t be received?
Paralyzed with fear that you’ll be found out?
Did the door of the honeymoon period just slam in your face?
Tired of reading about how so and so baptized thousands?
Do you feel stuck? worn out? apathetic? done?
What you are doing matters.
No qualifying statements, no “buts”. It matters.
I’ve been there doing ministry that mattered even when if felt like it didn’t, and I know I’ll be there again. But hold on to those moments when you know you are doing exactly what you should be doing. And hold on to the fact that the God that designed a tree to provide you oxygen has a plan and he doesn’t intend to waste you.
Step back and smile.