9 weeks and a day ago my son was born.
Like all new parents it has been an adjustment unlike anything we had experienced before and it still hasn’t set in. Last night as I brought him to Heidy for a feeding it hit me like it has before and will again: “this is my son”.
Just as everyone told me before having a child changed everything, but not exactly in the ways I had assumed.
I don’t speak in terms of spiritual warfare. It isn’t that I deny the role of the Holy Spirit and any corresponding forces, I just don’t connect naturally with God in those terms. But there have been times in the last nine months when I have felt attacked.
Unexpected home repairs.
A busy ministry season.
Lack of sleep.
Not living in our home for a week.
Anxiety and intense self-doubt.
Incorrect hospital bills.
That and plenty of conversations about the future. A bunch of stuff that is scary and isn’t resolved yet.
A few months of fatherhood is teaching me something about ministry that I should have learned years ago. It is about the long haul.
Most of the spiritual attacks we faced these past 9 weeks came after our confidence as parents. The attacks didn’t have much work to do because we didn’t have a whole lot of confidence to begin with, but we bought into the lie that we had to know what we were doing immediately. It was the doubt that we were going to screw up this little man or somehow make a feeding decision that led him to become a career criminal.
Same thing happens in ministry. As Rookie Pastors we realize quickly that we don’t have a clue what we are doing so any bumps in the road feel like a complete breakdown. Even if you’ve been doing this for awhile you’ll have those times when spin your wheels.
Be patient. Relax. This is about the long haul.
The changes will come. You’ll have your chance. Things will be different. This isn’t forever.