Anxiety and the Rookie Pastor

I couldn’t get out of bed.

I broke out into hives.

I thought I was having a heart attack.

I struggle with anxiety and I don’t think I am the only one.

A week ago I had the opportunity to share with a group of student leaders at my alma mater. My anxiety first happened when I was sitting in the same seat as a student leader. I couldn’t get out of bed, was missing class and in general felt trapped. When you are a leader you let the activity and responsibility tell you that who you are is determined by what you do.

In my anxiety I tried to combat things by working harder, and for a while I made it work.

Making it work meant that for stretches things were pretty good and for other stretches I hated my job/ministry, gave into cynicism, and in general I was low-grade miserable. This continued for little over 5 years. I thought it was normal.

Buying a house, not taking care of myself, the future not turning out like I had planned, and realizing that I wasn’t as awesome as I had thought made the anxiety boil over.

An anxiety attack is no joke, but I’m thankful that it happened.

Those minutes that felt like hours when I couldn’t breathe pushed me into counseling and a further examination of my own spiritual health as it related to my role as a pastor and leader.

I’m thankful but I wouldn’t recommend it.

You aren’t what you do.

You could benefit from counseling.

Go read I Peter 5:7.

Stop and realize that you aren’t as awesome as you thought.

January 24, 2012 in Challenging, Encouraging, Practical with 4 Comments

About Josh: Josh is a Rookie Pastor who works for a local church that he loves. He coordinates local lunch meet-ups with other Rookie Pastors in the Indianapolis area and loves to connect with other Rookie Pastors on and off line. It is his hope that Rookie Pastor will contribute to the health, longevity, and effectiveness of church leaders.

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4 Responses to “Anxiety and the Rookie Pastor”

  1. Rev. Scott "vicious" Stedman January 24, 2012 at 10:11 am #

    Thanks for sharing Josh. As a interim pastor at a small church in ohio, i have had some anxiety. I went from just speaking on sundays to helping the newly formed board get orginized, help get there finances in check, and deal with other issues. However, most of my anxiety, is wrapped in eing obedient to where God wants me to be. Eventhough God has me acting as an interim at this small church, he showed me that i’m hear to help them get stable but i this is not where he wants me permenantly. through our 2 year journey of working non ministry jobs and applying to churches, we have had sleepless nights, been angry at God, and doubt from following the Call. So you were right, you are not the only rookie pastor who struggles with anxiety. we all do regradless if we are a rookie or vetern.

    Reply
    • Josh January 24, 2012 at 2:01 pm #

      thanks for sharing buddy, I am finding it is fairly universal. Particularly when you are just getting started and are trying to find that right fit.

      Reply

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