Why Rookie Pastors?

I was 22 and all I wanted to do was close the door and hide.

My office was somewhat separated from the rest of the staff and so closing the door proved to be pretty effective for a Rookie Pastor scared of leading.

Being a pastor was turning out to be nothing like I thought it would be and I was wondering what I had gotten myself into. It wasn’t panic, it was isolation. During those first few years of ministry I have never felt more alone.

I was supposed to be leading people and growing the congregation not avoiding conflict and shrinking from leadership.

There wasn’t a specific issue or event as this cycle repeated itself several times. (In fact, I still find myself internalizing and avoiding issues that need leadership.) At the time isolation didn’t set in because people didn’t try to reach out but because I pushed them away.

I was really good at putting on a face for Sunday morning or Wednesday night, but I had no idea what I was doing and worse what I had gotten myself into. School had prepared me for some things but not everything.

Even when things were going well the office was a place I wanted to hide in, but couldn’t. Someone was going to stop in or I would read an email or last night’s meeting would be replayed in my mind. It was also the place where I let pride overtake me and in my isolation I would solve every problem only to keep these “solutions” to myself.

During this time I learned a lot about the importance of being a servant and what it really means to lead. That was important, but more than that I learned why Rookie Pastors struggle and fail. There is nothing wrong with selling insurance as long as you aren’t supposed to be working at a church.

By some combination of God’s grace and stubbornness I didn’t quit any of the multiple times I wanted to. I am truly thankful that I struggled because the experience can be used not to help others avoid something worse but to thrive in the midst of it. I think I have something to contribute, and I bet you do as well.

This site is as much for me as it is for you because as much as I like to pretend that I have things figured out I still have that urge to go and hide.

Why Rookie Pastors?

Because I am one, and I could use some help.